We’re writing our own vows. Once upon a time, many years ago, I was an English major (English/written communications/journalism), yet when I first began writing my vows I felt the worst case of writer’s block I’ve ever had. So I began making a list of all the things about him that make me smile, all the things that make me feel loved and cherished, all the little quirky reasons I love him, as well as all the big things I love about him. Soon I had a long list of things that ranged from his sense of humor to his generosity, from his stubborn hardheaded ways to his compassion, and it wasn’t long before I’d written 2-3 pages. Needless to say, I had to shorten that. Our ceremony is only going to last 20 minutes max, so I had to edit.
I am marrying my best friend. Don’t get me wrong, I have close friends, other best friends, family members, my children, and cousins who I have strong relationships with, but with David I have that unique blend of friend, lover, companion, mate, and partner. He loves me, accepts me, knows me, and appreciates me exactly the way I am, for who I am, and truly likes me. I feel that same way about him. The intimacy in our relationship is profound–we’ve taken the time to get to know each other, to value each other, and to feel safe and secure with each other. Our home is our safe harbor. Yet, there were times in the beginning when being that intimate with someone, making someone your safe harbor and letting them completely in made me feel extremely vulnerable. It’s a scary thing to give someone your all.
Looking back on things, which he reminded me of last night when I was completely stressed out and losing it because everything around us seemed to be breaking or falling apart (his dad has cancer and is in chemo, my dad isn’t doing so well, David’s truck broke while we were driving down the interstate and we were already down to one vehicle, we’ve both been sick so the house is a wreck, I need new glasses/contacts, and we were going to go get the stuff to start on the invitations but now we have to spend that money on the truck, and we had to spend the money for my glasses on getting the truck towed–Oh happy day!). He reminded me of when we first moved into our home and the stove didn’t work (hell, it couldn’t even plug it in), we didn’t have a frig or a microwave (and the one we do have just broke this morning, I haven’t told him yet because he’s at work and I don’t want to ruin his day)…Then he reminded me of how blessed we are now.
And we are truly blessed. We’ve found each other when neither of us thought we’d ever find real love. Not that we didn’t believe in it, we just didn’t believe it would happen for either of us. We complement each other, we bring out the best in each other, and the joke has been that if we would actually have one actual, real argument than maybe stuff would quit breaking and falling apart. But the breaking and falling apart thing is just life. Stoves break, microwaves break, trucks break, glasses break, sinks leak, central heating and air break, the list goes on, but the point is still the same regardless. So as I go about editing my vows today I’m going to think about something he said to me this morning:
“…I know things are hard right now and that you’re stressed out and I want to make everything better for you. I wish I could find the right words to comfort you. All I can think of is that you have been a great blessing in my life, I don’t think you realize how great you are…I love you with all of my heart, with all that I am, and I want to thank you for loving me the way that you do…” HE JUST DID!!!