Attitude, atmosphere, and appreciation

18 May

Planning a wedding yourself is not easy, but it allows you to put your own touches into the wedding–to make it personal. Who knows the couple better than the couple? At first, I was really nervous about planning our wedding myself. I had no idea of what I was doing–it’s not like planning a birthday party for your toddler. But after a few days of researching how to plan a wedding, and browsing through a few bridal/wedding magazines (have you seen the cost of those lately, and quite a few of them have more pictures of wedding dresses than actual words) I began figuring where to start.

Each month since we got engaged in January I have questioned my abilities, my ideas, and my resolve, but I’ve been muddling through things. I subscribed to OffbeatBrides, StyleMePretty, the Knot, UndomesticatedBride, MyWedding, and various other sites for ideas. In my attempts to plan a wedding around our individual and combined personalities I’ve realized our wedding is a match of BookLover/Nerd meets Musician/Rocker. So we’re having a music themed wedding in my parents yard with two of my favorite colors, and we’re both going to be making some of the decorations.

The hardest part of planning, at least for me, is keeping everything organized and figuring out what to do and what is the best way to do it. So here are a few helpful hints in regard to planning:

  • Create a timeline
  • Create a budget
  • Find your location
  • Figure out your attendants and guests
  • Figure out the attire and colors
  • Flowers
  • Ceremony particulars
  • Food
  • Photography

This is a summary, for more details you can go to sites like or the Knot or, but these are basics.

When I first began planning the wedding I wanted dark purple for the bridesmaids, but as I began to really look at the shades of purple and the matchy-matchy bridesmaids dresses I did not like the look. I love all kinds of purple flowers but wasn’t at all happy with the purple look for the wedding party. My next favorite color is red, then black and silver. So after talking to my friend Amanda and my daughter Maria the idea of little black dresses came up. Little black dresses with silver shoes. Non-matching dresses. Non-matching shoes. I liked that idea tremendously. I would have chosen little red dresses but my cousin begged me not to put her in a red dress, said she would look like a tomato. So I chose to have red accents with the black, white, and silver themed wedding. I really liked the attitude of the wedding after that.

However, after choosing that and being happy with that choice I began to question it after a month or two had passed. According to the research I’ve done, it is normal to begin second guessing your decisions 3-6 months before the wedding. Back to the planning calendar I went.

5-4 months before the wedding you’re supposed to book the rehearsal dinner venue; check on wedding invitations; select and order the cake; send your guest list to the host of your shower; purchase shoes and start dress fittings; try out hairdressers and makeup artists; choose songs; and plan favors, etc…Not to mention all the stuff that was supposed to have been done beforehand (in the 7-6 months before). Ummm, yeah! 

I started to get seriously stressed out when I realized there all these things I am just not going to be able to do, afford, etc…WHAT THE HELL?!!!???  Then it hit me!!!!!

This is our wedding, not some wedding on TLC or Hallmark or at the Country Club. Not that there is anything wrong with those weddings, but it isn’t us. We’re having a wedding in my parents front yard and our reception in the backyard with barbecue at the reception. Neither of us wants it to be fancy or  formal, all we really want is for the people we care about to share in our day. Unfortunately, I’ve heard comments like why aren’t you wearing a white dress,or you can’t wear white you’ve been married before or why aren’t y’all getting married in a church or have you thought about where you’re going on your honeymoony’all are having a honeymoon aren’t y’all, to you don’t need to worry about that, people don’t actually bother with registry’s…I’m so glad that people want to share their ideas and opinions with me, I really am, but it’s frustrating when I can’t even plan my own wedding without people offering unsolicited negative comments and criticisms. I would never criticize someone else’s wedding. It’s one of the reasons I don’t like the shows like “Four weddings,” because it makes it a competition. What Jane Doe likes I might not want at all, and what I like Mary Smith might hate. I love weddings. All kinds of weddings.

So I began to rethink a few things after watching several TV shows and reading several blogs and wedding websites regarding weddings. What is my wedding about? What is most important to me? What do I really want? What does David really want?

I want my wedding and reception to have an attitude of fun, beauty, love and personality. I want the atmosphere to be light, friendly, caring, and fun. I want the people we love and care about to know how much we love and appreciate each other as well as them. Sure I want a beautiful dress, I want to look  beautiful, I want David to look gorgeous and sexy, I want our wedding party to look awesome, and I want the whole thing to be pretty and for people to have a good time, but at the end of the day I just want to be married to David; for everyone to have a good time with good food and good music. Even if we run out of food, it rains, or I stumble through the words to my vows, it will be okay as long as we’re married. We’ll either have awesome memories of our wedding or we’ll remember it with a few laughs attached.



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