I was checking my email earlier and I came across a post on a blog I follow that made me smile. Her title was “What’s It Like Being Married?” It made me smile because we’ve been asked the same question, as well as the variation of “How’s married life?” And when asked I automatically say, “Great!” not just because it is great but also because I wonder why people ask that question. (I have to admit it, though…I’ve asked the question myself. I know, I know–DUH! MOMENT!)
After reading her post I began thinking about why people really ask the question, and what response they really want to hear, versus the responses I’ve often thought of but not said aloud. When I’ve asked the question what I’m really asking is “How was the wedding and honeymoon” if I did not attend their wedding, and if I did then I’m asking “How are the two of you adjusting to things after the wedding?” For us, getting the wedding out of the way was a big relief. Our honeymoon was awesome, our wedding was wonderful, but going back home after the honeymoon and back to our normal life, which meant work and our daily routines, was a bit BLAH after all of that excitement. Neither of us wanted the honeymoon to end.
Well, we’ve been married a little over 4 months now, and things really aren’t that different than when we lived together. Yes, I changed my last name. We received some awesome gifts at the wedding, as well as before the wedding, and we’ve neglected to send all of our Thank You cards. (I know, we’re slackers and by the time I finally get around to it I’ll have to really think about who sent what**Note to self: send Thank You cards this weekend!) I still cook way more than he does, though before we moved into together he could cook but now when he goes into the kitchen to cook it’s as if an alien has taken over his body and he’s completely forgotten how cook anything other than breakfast or food cooked on the grill. I still do not like being the one who cooks and does dishes–I don’t mind doing one or the other, but feel extremely guilty if he has to do dishes since he works all day and I’m at home. (Insert sad face here.)
And what’s funny to us, is that even though most people know that I am almost 11 years older than him, and my children are grown, and I have a 6 month old grandson (he turns 6 months old tomorrow (today if you’re reading this in the next 5 minutes or so) people still ask us if we’re going to have kids. What? Kids! NO! NO! NO! Not that I can have kids, especially since in the next few months they want to schedule a hysterectomy, but if I could have kids, I wouldn’t want to–not at this stage in my life. Hell, this summer I’ll be 46 years old. WTH! Both of my children are in college, and his daughter just turned 13. I think we’re good. Plus, we have the grandbaby to spoil.
Some of the things that pop into my head (or his) when someone asks me or us or him “How’s married life?” is: .
- She hasn’t killed me yet so I guess we’re going okay.
- He hasn’t served me with divorce papers yet…
- We’re having tons of fun…Sex…or laughs…or whatever other words happens to pop into my brain…
- It’s absolutely wonderful!!!
- We’re so happy!
- It’s not really any different than before…My name is just different.
- Once we’ve paid off the wedding debt then get back to me…
- It’s knowing you’ll be with your best friend, lover, and significant other forever (mushy, I know, but true)
- I take it you’ve never been married?
- How many times have you been married?
- How long have you been single?
- Do we seem any different to you?
- Marriage rocks!
I know, some of them are sarcastic, some are funny, some are definitely things I’ll never say aloud, but then when I look at the person’s face who is asking me the question I take in their body language and facial expressions–some are basically just asking “how are you?” but since we’re newlyweds still they’re just being nice, while others are asking out of morbid curiosity, I guess they expect some kind of response like “Well, we had our first fight last night and I’m not sure…” or maybe they think we made a mistake so they’re looking for any sort of negativity so they can say “I told you so.” I have been nice, and usually just say married life is wonderful (and it is), and I haven’t punched anyone in the face (as my daughter likes to threaten to do when people really tick her off–though it’s usually an empty threat, lol), and I haven’t made any of the rather sarcastic comments to any of the negative Nancy’s so I’m good. I’ll keep you informed if ever I do.