Honestly, well should I go with the “I handled things well” or “I acted like a pro” or “I freaked the hell out” or “I lost my damn mind” Hmmmm…. Usually if it is a major crisis, we’re talking code red, “Houston we have a problem” kind of crisis I am all business. I take care of things. The leader in me asserts its roaring Lion head and like the king of the jungle I pounce. There are several examples, but I think that one that comes to mind the clearest is the day that I had to take my daughter to the hospital because she’d half-heartedly committed suicide, and I say that in all honesty, but it was enough of an attempt that it SCREAMED I need HELP, somebody please pay ATTENTION. My parents were both crying, they were both unsure, and as I talked with them, especially my dad who is always the ROCK I felt this CALM slip over me. I called the hospital, I gathered everything together, explained to my daughter what I was doing and why (she’d cut herself on her wrists horizontally and vertically and had made what looked like a cross, and back then she was a cutter so she knew how deep she’d need to go do more than just bleed some) and as she protested I remained calm and in charge–I didn’t let her sad brown puppy dog eyes and that pout work–she didn’t want to go. I took her. I didn’t shed a tear. Not one. Not until later once the hospital called MUSC and made arrangements for my daughter to go their children’s section and I was following the police car that my daughter sat in the back of–was supposed to be for her own safety. Little did the cops know but she had the plastic bottle cap off of a 16 oz soda and was using to cut/scratch her arms while they escorted her the hospital. I followed them in my car–I was alone. That is when I cried. Things are much better now. She was 14 years old, confused, insecure, depressed, angry….now she’s 21 years old and a great mom to her 6 month old son and is in her last semester of college to get her Associate’s in Art. She is an artist, and has an artist’s temperament, but she is also ambitious, independent, strong willed, opinionated, compassionate, honest ( I should say blunt), and moody.
However, when it comes to the small things, little shit like not being able to find my keys when I need to go somewhere, especially if I have to be there at a certain time, I lose it. I become a crazy person. To me it is the END of the WORLD. I freak the hell out. I’ve learned the hard way, and I now have a wooden thing with pictures in it that has hooks at the bottom of for keys hanging right by my front door. My brother is the same way. I think it is a learned thing for us. Our mom is a worry wart, one of those panic kind of people, what people often refer to as someone who is nervous. It used to be so bad that she seemed a bit paranoid, but my mom underwent numerous tragedies during her life and I think that’s the underlying cause of her nervousness. She’s always waiting for something to happen, waiting on the next crisis–in her experience they usually come in sets of three’s (superstitious I know, but it does seem to happen that way a lot). What’s ironic, is that push come to shove, my mom is one of the strongest people emotionally (on the inside) I know. She’ll freak out, she’s nervous and a worry wart, but after she’s freaked out she does she needs to do.
We all handle things differently, I’ve learned, and it’s what we do when we’re really needed that seems to matter most.