A few weeks ago I began a post:
I’m waiting on David to get back from work so he can take me to the ER. I’m having severe pains where my ovaries are…Not good. I’ve never had a cyst, so I’m not sure of that’s it, but I know it isn’t my appendix because I haven’t had one since I was 17 years old. Between having my period every 2-3 weeks and mood swings, not to mention the hot flashes, I’m pretty sure that menopause is well on its way to my door, but feeling like utter dog poo is not a good thing, and I’m sure that the severe pains I’m having are not a good thing at all!
Today was to be my first day on my own at my new job…Out of training. How wonderful is that? I was so excited about it too. Now, instead of going to work I’m going to the ER. WTH! Not real happy about that. But my husband is so sweet. As soon as he found out I was hurting, he called and he’s getting off work early so he can take me. I am so very blessed. Most of the time I’ve driven myself to the ER so this is new to me.
That is as far as I got. David took me to the ER, I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids. They range in size from the size of a pea to just over the size of a golf ball. Needless to say, David didn’t want me to go back to work. Standing on my feet for 11 hours, walking around, getting in and out of cars, etc was too much. The DR had an excuse for 3 days out of work, but the pain pills he gave me say to take one every 4 hrs and the other every 6 hrs. And they make me woozy. No driving on while on them. I went to my follow up visit with my OBGYN this past Friday and as soon as we have health insurance I’ll be having a hysterectomy. OH FUN! But that will mean no more pain. So until then I was given the DEPO shot and hopefully that will help things.
Let’s be honest here, I’m fixed. I had my tubes cut, tied, and burned way back when (21 years ago), the day after I had my daughter. Having babies was no easy thing for me and the DR said I had a weak uterus back then and it would be dangerous for me to have any more children. Not that I want any more children. NO! I have a 6 month old grandson I get to cuddle, love on, spoil and spend time with. I’m okay with having a hysterectomy, what I’m a bit bummed about is that whole MENOPAUSE thing. I’ve been randomly having hot flashes for the past year, now it’s worse but still random. The mood swings not so much. The irregular menstrual cycle-check, as well as the more painful and longer lasting thing going on-check.
What is about the word MENOPAUSE that makes women sometimes feel like they are less female, less a woman, less feminine? I don’t want to research this, I’ve done enough research on the uterine fibroids, and I’m not talking about the physical thing or the hormones–I’m talking mentally, emotionally, and though they can research that they really can’t dig down into your psyche and feel what you feel. I am fine with having a hysterectomy. Hell, that means no more tampons, no more cramps, no more scheduling stuff away from that time of month…HELL YEAH! Bring it on! I’d have it done now if I had insurance. And that is another thing.
Mr. Rockstar’s employer offers insurance, and we were signed up for it, then right when they were adding me on they changed insurance companies, and BAM! the prices went up, and when I mean I mean UP! They wanted us to pay $150 a week for the two of us with a $10,000 deductible. Hell we couldn’t afford the $150 a week, but how the hell are you supposed to meet a $10,000 deductible unless you do have some kind of surgery, and even then we’d have to make monthly payments, which wouldn’t work b/c you have to pay your deductible up front. Yeah, RIght! So he cancelled it. Now he’s looking for a job with a company that has really good benefits (and better pay).
Though the Health Care/Insurance issue is a big one, I’m not delving into that one right now.
So I feel like such a slacker because I’m not working. Getting a job and then having to take at least 6 weeks of medical leave after only being there for 3-4 months would suck. Plus working while in this much pain, and on medication would be hard. (Those are Mr. Rockstar’s main arguments for me not working.) But it doesn’t help me feel any better not working, not helping, not adding to our finances.
Okay, I feel a little better after having vented. Feeling like a slacker today, and a bit depressed because yet another friend from high school died. I guess I’m just having one of those days.