Last night while watching the news, after the news, I noticed that the anchorwoman/host of the news show was standing directly in front of this enhanced screen. She looked “too perfect,” and I asked my daughter if she thought they had done something (like what people can do with special effects, Photoshop, etc kind of thing) to make her look so skinny (especially since the old adage has always been that the camera adds ten pounds). My daughter said no, that the woman was just skinny. She’s a beautiful woman, don’t get me wrong, shapely and with an extremely small waist, but if the camera adds ten pounds then I wondered just how skinny she looked in person, how skinny are the people we see in television in real life…
I hate having my picture taken. I love taking pictures. And one of my goals when I do begin the photography classes is to find ways to bring out people’s best features, to take shots that enhance their natural beauty,…What is the best way to stand, to sit, to hold your head, etc…that way when I do have pictures taken of me I’ll look my best instead of constantly worrying about whether I look like I have a double chin or if my biceps look huge or if my stomach is poking out. Currently, I’m trying to lose a few pounds via Dr’s orders, by slowly changing what I eat and how much I eat. So hopefully, I’ll take better pictures when I do lose this extra weight I’m carrying. But what if I only lose a few pounds, not as much as the Dr ordered, but enough to feel a little better about myself and when I look at a picture of myself I still feel like I look horrible…See, I think we’re our own worst critics…
My husband thinks I’m beautiful, sexy, and attractive just the way I am. However, I have gained about 20 pounds since we began seeing each other. Sometimes stress makes me lose weight and sometimes it makes me gain weight, the stress of planning a wedding was stressful, especially since we had a really small budget. Now that the wedding is over I should have began losing weight. But it isn’t really about the weight. It’s more about self-image and self-confidence.
I’m in my mid 40’s, and that whole middle age thing hit me hard. I went from waking up one morning with a small waist to waking up one morning with almost no waist. I hadn’t changed anything in my diet, hadn’t gained any weight, so what happened? My metabolism changed? My body said, “Oh wait! You’re 40 something it is time for things to start spreading…” I don’t know. Funny thing is, I knew and know what to do to change it–diet, exercise, but I was so BUSY planning the wedding and DIY’ing the wedding, as well as the regular life stuff like work, home, etc I kept thinking I have time. I’ll get to it. But the wedding was in the forefront of my mind and exercising wasn’t. Though I kept thinking about it. Then I saw my wedding pictures and realized exercise should have been on the forefront of my mind. However, my husband thought I was the most beautiful ever, and others kept saying the same…and on that day I did feel absolutely beautiful and it shows in some of the pictures.
Looking back on when I’ve felt the most beautiful, sexy, attractive, I’d say that there are several factors that come in to play:
- I feel better on a whole when I am self-confident, and that comes from within and has little to do with your size or your weight
- I feel more attractive when I am healthy
- I look better when I am healthy
- I feel beautiful, sexy, and attractive when my husband looks at me and I see all that love and passion he feels for me right there in his eyes and on his face
- I feel beautiful, sexy, and attractive until I see pictures of myself
So, I’ve decided that regardless of how much weight I do lose, I refuse to get obsessed about the size I wear or how much I weigh–it’s about being a healthier me. I need to make some real changes in my life. It’s a constant work in progress, and I have let some things go stagnant for too long so it’s time to take control and do what I need to do in order to be a healthier me. Part of that is to exercise and eat healthier, but part of it is about working on me as a whole. Not letting other things become more important than my health. I’ll be less stressed out over the small things if I am a healthier and less stressed out me in general. I’ll feel more attractive in general if I am healthier and I think that self-confidence draws a more positive attitude.
We’re surrounded by images of sexy, skinny, slender, shapely, gorgeous, thin, tall, long-legs, perfect looking women who are the model of what the rest of us are supposed to look like. Sorry, we’re not all 5’10” inches tall with slender frames and long legs. We’re not all a size 0, 1, or 2. We’re not all slender in the hips, or have big busts, or small waists. Some of us are petite and curvy, some of us are pear shaped and others are apple shaped, and some have an hourglass figure. The jeans that a woman who is a size 8 and 5’8″ can wear and look good in them are not going to be the same jeans that a 5’2″ size 8 will be able to wear and look good in.
It’s funny though, I’m so thankful that my husband is not one of those men who simply wants a woman with big breasts, a small waist and long legs–if he were, he’d have married someone else. When he sees a really slender or skinny woman his remark is usually, “somebody get that woman a sandwich.” On the other side of the fence, I know quite a few women who are on the slender side and really have to work to stay healthy looking otherwise they would be too skinny. No matter what size or shape you are there is always someone out there with the same problem or a different problem, someone out there who envy’s you because you’re this and she’s that, or someone who feels like they are too skinny or too fat, who wishes they had longer legs or shorter legs, etc… Be happy with who and what you are. Take good care of yourself. Believe in yourself. Be the best you that you can be and if that means you’re healthy as size 2 or healthy as a size 10 or healthy as a size 16, then flaunt that healthiness with self-confidence.
Right now, all I can do are light exercises and walking because of the pain in my uterus, but I started light exercising this morning. This afternoon I will go for a walk. Tomorrow I’ll do some stretching and go for a walk. Sunday I’ll do some light exercise and go for a walk. I think I will walk my block every day and as I progress I’ll walk further in a shorter period of time. I’m also going to do my best to buy less processed foods, and to buy a lot healthier foods. Right now, it’s not about losing weight so much as it’s about being a healthier me. The best me I can be.