Truly, it seemed like just the other day I was in my early 30’s and yet the realization that I am in fact in my 40’s, mid 40’s pushing 46 soon. WTH? When did I turn 40 something? When did my hair turn grey–I’ve been coloring it for so long now that I hadn’t realized the front–what used to just be a streak has slowly turned into the whole right front? When did I get these crows feet? When did I put on that 20 lbs, oh wait a minute it’s actually more like 30 or 40 now that I have the uterine fibrosis…And speaking of those damn tumors, when the hell did I end up almost disabled? Since when did I become OLD? I didn’t feel old until I got these damn tumors and am all but disabled. I didn’t feel old before I gained this additional 20 lbs because of the damn tumors either.
I just don’t know when all of this happened. So gradually I didn’t notice, or maybe I’ve just been so happy I haven’t really been paying attention.
I feel like I woke up one morning and I was fat, old, wrinkled, and though I still look much younger than my age–I have aged. I found a picture of me just after I left the ex and then one that is exactly one year later. …There’s a huge difference. Let’s see if I can post them side by side. I’m not so great at getting the pics to line up the way I want them to yet. Nope didn’t get it to work right..So the one with the red sweater and glasses is 2 months after I left the ex…Christmas of 2009. The other one is October 2010–one year later. See the vast improvement. I died my hair and got rid of the grey, I began wearing contact lenses again, and I started wearing makeup again–plus I lost 20 lbs. ( Need to lose that 20 lbs plus some all over again.)
Now here are some other pics. These were taken right around when I saw Mr. Rockstar for the first time but we hadn’t actually met yet. One with curly hair, one with straight hair. (My hair is naturally curly.) May 2011:
Now here is a pic of how I looked when we met. I’d just cut almost all my hair off. I’d needed a change.
Now here’s a pic of us when we got engaged:
And here’s a pic now: I can tell how bloated I look. I can tell how happy I am, and I still look younger than I am, but I can also tell that I really have to do something to feel better, to get better, to be healthier because my health, or lack thereof, is beginning to show. Not a good thing. It’s time for some real changes. Now I just need to figure out what I can do (with the tumors, until they can be removed) to feel better and get healthier.