Bone of Contention

18 Mar

Pick a contentious issue about which you care deeply — it could be the same-sex marriage debate, or just a disagreement you’re having with a friend. Write a post defending the opposite position, and then reflect on what it was like to do that. DAILY PROMPT: Bone of Contention  

Same-Sex Marriage Rally

Same-Sex Marriage Rally (Photo credit: City of West Hollywood)

A contentious issue that I care deeply about and turn it around and defend the opposite view…Hmmm! Sighing not so quietly over here. If this prompt had come up a few years ago I’d have quickly written a post about the same-sex marriage debate. (I’m pro same-sex marriage by the way.) But with so many other countries allowing same-sex marriage, and quite a few states in the good ole’ US of A, finally allowing same-sex marriages I feel like we’re finally heading in the right direction–it’s just going to be a long bumpy ride. So I’ll save that post for another time. 

So what other issue weighs heavily on my mind? Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Life (Can’t I be both? I believe the woman ought to have the right to choose, that it’s not the governments job to say what can or cannot be done with her body, but I don’t believe that abortion should be used as a means of birth control. And as a mother, and a grandmother, I definitely believe that there are options for women out there who are pregnant but wouldn’t be able to raise the child. Hell, I’d adopt a child in a heart beat. I’m not a fan of abortion at all, but I’m pro-choice–I know, it’s an odd stand to take but it’s my stand.) But I’m not interested in writing about that one either.

Support Our Troops

Support Our Troops (Photo credit: jasoneppink)

So what else? Our troops in Afghanistan? The bloody mess over there is just too much for me to get into right now. I have friends who’ve been over there, numerous tours, so my viewpoint is by far not objective. I support our troops that over there, support our troops period, but I don’t always support the reasoning behind it or the people who are in control. So I’ll save that post for another day.

jealousy green eyed monster

So what else? Well, the first thing that came to mind when I read the daily prompt was an issue of contention in some marriages. I’m still a newlywed, and we don’t have this problem, but a friend of mine  was talking about it not long ago–jealousy. Yep, that green-eyed monster that wreaks havoc in numerous relationships. Jealousy is normal under certain circumstances, but for some it’s just crazy. I’ve been with someone who was crazy jealous, controlling, possessive (actually more than one ex), and there have been times when I’ve felt that way and I know it was because of insecurity, a lack of self-confidence, doubts about the relationship…

jealousy defintion

Truth is, when you love someone and they love you in return that should bring a feeling of confidence into the relationship. But I’m going to try to take the opposite view of my own (my view is that a little bit of jealousy is normal and healthy, but that crazy kind of jealousy is unhealthy, neurotic, controlling, belittling, and drives the person away.)  So let’s see if I can, for at least a few moments, put myself into the crazy kind of jealousy.


“You were looking at her? And I saw you smile at her!” 

“I was just looking around the room and smiling.”

“Yeah right! I know you were looking at her and smiling. You’re not fooling me.” 

“I was just looking around the room. We’re out, trying to have a good time. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You were just over there all hugged up on someone and flirting and now you’re pissed off at me because I smiled at someone.”

“Yeah, well I’ve known them for years. And I was just being friendly. You don’t see me smiling at people I don’t know.” 

“What’s wrong with smiling at a stranger?”

“You were flirting. You’re always flirting. If you’re not happy with me then just leave, but I better not see you flirting with anyone else.” 

“Okay, I think maybe you need a time out. You’re flirting with all of your friends and touching them, hugging them, even kissing them, and yet you’re pissed off with me because I smiled at someone. If you keep accusing me of stuff then eventually it’s just going to dig a wedge between us so large it won’t be fixable. I’m not flirting, but you are.”

“You’re a liar. I saw you. And those are my friends.” 

“Some of them are friends that you’ve been intimate with. But I’m not supposed to say anything. It’s okay if you do it, but I’m not even supposed to smile at anyone.”

jealousy quote

SO my attempt at rationally trying to take the opposite side just showed how ridiculous it was. I sounded ridiculous. What’s awful, is that this is a real conversation from quite a few years ago. One of the many reasons I left that relationship. Truth is if you’re crazy jealous your love is more about self-love than real love. It’s selfish, self-centered, not based on the other person and their well-being and happiness. When we truly love someone and they truly love us in return it brings out the best in each person, it makes you want to be better person, it makes you want them to smile, even at strangers. I was the person speaking not in bold in real life, for the prompt I reiterated what the other person had said but tried to put myself in their shoes and no matter how hard I tried I could not understand it.

Jealousy quote Maya Angelou


Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a difference between a little jealousy and someone who does something that is inappropriate. Mr. Rockstar has been in bands on and off since he was a teenager and I’ve seen the “groupies” in action–it made me laugh. It embarrasses him. I even told one woman who was going on and on about him to me, “Yes, I know he’s very talented…Yes, I know he can sing his ass off…Yes, I know he’s good looking…Ummm, Excuse Me, that’s my husband you’re talking about.” I wasn’t pissed but I set her straight. 


Posted by on March 18, 2013 in DPChallenge, Happiness, Jealousy, life, love, Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Bone of Contention

  1. TammyeHoney

    March 18, 2013 at 1:00 am

    Great article. I can’t imagine living in a life where a spouse would be jealous. That would drive me insane. Thank you for the ping back.

    • Lissa

      March 18, 2013 at 1:12 am

      You’re welcome. My ex was jealous and possessive, my ex husband was just possessive–he thought too much of himself to believe I’d stray but in the end it was him who strayed. I’ve noticed that people who are overly jealous and controlling are either extremely insecure, have really bad control issues, or are cheating themselves. I’m so glad Mr. Rockstar isn’t jealous.


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