I feel like I’m broken, and an invalid, and yet my mind doesn’t connect what my body feels. In my mind i am fine, perfectly healthy, and ready to do what I need to do, want to do, should be doing, am normally doing. BUT my body is not quite ready for my normal routine. Not that my normal routine is major, but it’s definitely too much for someone who just had major surgery less than a week ago.
“Baby, what are you doing?” my husband asks as I lean down to pick up the dirty clothes off the floor.
I look up at him with what I know is a confused expression on my face and see the reprimand in his face as I look back down at the pile of dirty clothes. I am not supposed to be picking things up like that, nor am I supposed to wash dishes, sweep, mop, drive, lift anything more than a gallon of milk or a bag of sugar. According to my husband, I am not to lift a finger to do any type of housework what-so-ever at all. But right now he is in his (big) truck letting it warm up and I am sipping coffee and writing this. I made coffee this morning, but that’s only because he was snoozing, trying to get that extra ten minutes of sleep before having to get up–when he woke up and realized I’d made coffee he “fussed” at me.
I feel like an invalid. It’s nice to be waited on, to a point, but after that point it becomes frustrating. Not only is my husband still working and can’t be expected to do everything, and my son can help some, but I should be able to do for myself–simple things at least, yet I KNOW that there are some things I cannot do, should not do so that I can heal properly, but damn I should be able to make a pot of coffee, or throw a few clothes in the washer but then that means putting them in the dryer and then taking them out of the dryer. I get it. I do.
I’ll be so glad when I am healed enough to take care of myself-myself. When I can do dishes–I know, I can’t believe I said that, who the hell wants to do dishes? But it’s better when you have the option, at least. If I ‘m not doing dishes because I don’t want to or don’t feel like it’s different than when you cannot, aren’t supposed to, or aren’t allowed. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband and family.
I never thought I’d miss doing housework, but damn if I don’t.