Day 19 Regret

Day 19 – Your biggest regret in life.

Rascal Flats Broken Road 

My grandma T. told me long, long ago not to regret… if you change one thing about your past then it changes your present, because your past has made you the you that you are right now. I’ve tried to remember that my whole life, and while there are things that I wish I’d done better, decisions that I made with the best of intentions that turned out badly, and events I would do differently now that I know better, regretting them doesn’t change anything. It won’t undo what has already been done. There isn’t a delete button for life. No rewind.  No erase. I’m proud of who I am right now. I may have done a few things that I’m not proud of, but I learned valuable lessons along the way. As I sit here typing this post I am looking at my inspiration board, I made it so that as I write I can look up and am reminded of my blessings, my achievements, my life. Sure, there times when we need to reflect.

Charles Dickens said, Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

If I hadn’t been through the shitty relationships I’ve gone through, met the people who were my real friends as well as the one’s who weren’t, gotten married and divorced, been a single parent, then when I did meet Mr. Rockstar it might not have worked or we might not have met or we both might have been completely different. Because I did travel down those “broken roads,” when I met him my heart and mind were open. I’d been through so much shit but as I looked around me I had real friends, friends that truly cared about me, wanted the best for me, and who pushed me to be more and to be better. I had a wonder family who stood by me and had faith in me. Mr. Rockstar was the perfect person for me. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. And though I’m by no means perfect, he’d tell you that I’m perfect for him. We could have written the song, “Broken Road.”

 

 

But if I have to list something I think it would be this: I’d have been a better me, so that I could have been a better parent when my children were growing up. I’d have worried less about the bills, etc and spent more quality time with them. I’d have been consistent. I’d have smiled and laughed more. Now they are grown and I am close to finally being the person I always had the potential to be–you can’t be a great parent if you aren’t taking care of yourself, if you aren’t happy, then your parenting suffers. However, I learned through my mistakes, and I never gave up trying to be a better person and a better parent, and my children know this. I don’t give up on people, I don’t quit, not on myself or others. I think that we all make mistakes, it is a part of life, it’s learning from those mistakes that matters. Sometimes it takes one time, and sometimes it takes a while to learn, but what is important is that you learn.