Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can’t…

This Daily Prompt had me smiling when I read it. Today was my day to sleep in. I’ve been up early every morning this week and the first thing I did when I woke up and realized how late I’d slept was check my email and I saw the DP. (WOW, am I obsessed? OR what!?!” Seriously though, I look forward to the writing prompts. I’m writing a novel and the writing prompts are part of what helps me get my mind focused on writing.

My list of top 5 movies is: Shawshank Redemption, A Beautiful Mind, Meet Joe Black, Jason Bourne (the first 3), and the Notebook. I’ve already written a post about A Beautiful Mind. 

But today’s DP Challenge has me thinking about one of my other favorite movies.

Daily Prompt: Silver Screen

by michelle w. on March 13, 2013

Take a quote from your favorite movie — there’s the title of your post. Now, write!

One of my favorite lines from a movie:

Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can’t live without. Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy, and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life without this. To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven’t tried, then you haven’t lived. ~ Meet Joe Black

Scene from the movie: 

The first time I saw this movie I was with THE EX. I wasn’t happy. I was half in half out of love. I was angry. I was suffocating in the hypocrisy of it all. I loved but I was not truly loved in return. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to get out of that relationship–it was toxic. Walking on egg shells at home, not wanting to come home. I watched it again towards the end of our relationship, about nine years later, and as I sat there watching this scene I remembered how I’d felt the first time I watched it. I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t been happy, I didn’t have that kind of love in my life, instead I had an unhealthy and unhappy toxic love.

About 2 weeks later my daughter and I moved out. I  took what I could at the time and checked out of Hell and checked into a cheap motel. It would be 1 year and seven months before I’d see the love of my life, and still two more months before we’d actually talk and go out. During that almost 2 year period of time  my daughter graduated from high school and started college, I lost weight, I learned to love and like myself, I learned to let go of the past and the baggage that came with that past, and I learned that real love, honest and happy and healthy love does not come at a price. You don’t have to give up or change who you are to be loved.

Once I was completely out of it I realized I’d been manipulated, controlled, and bullied. I didn’t really see it while I was in it. I didn’t really understand how I had been so blind to it. I took the time to think about what I’d done wrong. You can’t fix something that’s broken if you don’t know what’s broken. And being with someone who manipulates, controls, and bully’s means that there’s a part of you that is broken or you wouldn’t allow it in the first place. I did a great deal of soul searching. When I left the EX I felt relieved. For the first time in years I felt free. It was liberating.

But for the first few months I was a hermit. I didn’t socialize. I went to work and I came home. I spent time with my daughter and the people I encountered at work and that was it. I can look back at the time now with the clarity that came from healing and growing stronger, but when I was living it I felt lost. I felt as if I’d misplaced the real me and I was slowly but surely finding her again. I was pissed off with myself for staying in a relationship that was so unhealthy and unhappy. I was pissed off with myself for allowing myself to be manipulated, controlled, and bullied. Was I physically abused, no not really. But I was emotionally and mentally blackmailed, manipulated, and abused.

When I met Mr. Rockstar I was finally in a happy place all by myself. I knew that life held more than just unhappiness, I knew that life was filled with promise, and that life is what you make it. I had hope that loved existed out there, but I didn’t think it was for me. Then he walked up to me and we began talking and he was so honest, so nice, so generous and sincere. Towards the end of the night he said, “I think we should spend some time together,” and he genuinely meant it. He wanted to get to know me. He enjoyed my company. And believe me, since I’d gone through all I’d gone through with the EX I had changed. I was blunt. I wasn’t falling for any bullshit again and I’d learned to lay shit right out there in the open, even if it hurt someone’s feelings, it was better to be honest and risk hurting someone’s feelings than to stay quiet. But my honesty was refreshing. He appreciated it. I’d learned the hard way what happened when you stayed quiet, when you didn’t stand up for yourself, when you walked on egg shells… and I swore to myself I’d never again walk on egg shells. And I haven’t to this day. There’s no need to.

I found someone I love like crazy and who loves me back that same way. I found someone I love with immense passion and who loves me that same way. Could I live without him? Yes, if I absolutely had to. I’m a survivor. Could he live without me? If he absolutely had to. Do we want to live without each other? No.

And towards the end: 

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A book about me? HUH?

So today’s daily prompt: Ghostwriter says: If you could have any author –living or dead – write your biography, who would you choose? 

The first authors that came to mind were: Shakespeare, Vonnegut, John Steinbeck, Dickens, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Poe, Kerouac, and Hemingway or Faulkner. Or Stephen King, James Patterson, Nicholas Sparks, Jim Butcher, Nora Roberts, Patricia Cornwell, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Suess,  or Anne Rice. So I’ve covered both the living and dead authors I would choose from, as well as some of the classics of literature, and the Bosses of modern fiction. Guess it depends on your genre. So who to chose? Who to choose?

My gut instinct would be to have Patricia Cornwell write it if I’ve been murdered. That way at least I know my murder would be solved. My life has had it’s ups and downs, and a few interesting things have happened, but if I were honest I’d have to say it would probably be a bit boring for the Reader. So the writer would have his/her work cut out for him/her.

My other choice, if I’m going with the whole life story thing, the “Out of tragedy comes hope and…” I would choose Nicholas Sparks, if I wanted detail and story I’d choose Anne Rice…But it all comes back to, no matter how I slice it, my favorite writing styles and authors are Patterson and King. I’d want them to write my biography in collaboration with each other–wouldn’t that be SOMETHING!!!! Yep, that’s what I’m choosing. And they have to include Patricia Cornwell if I’m murdered.

If I could write it myself I would, but I think I’d have too much bias.

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Growing up

I remember bits and pieces of my father’s funeral. I was seven years old and my mom was adamant that his casket remain open until the very last moment. When I walked down the aisle toward his casket holding the hand of my aunt and my paternal grandmother I remember wondering why he was lying in that dark box. I kept seeing people walk up to him and talk to him, then giving him a kiss, so by the time I got there I was a little pissed off. As only a seven year old daddy’s girl can be–why did they get to go ahead of me, he’s my daddy! When I finally got there I leaned over to talk to him. I thought he was sleeping. I went to hug him but he was so cold. I decided to climb in the dark box with him so I could warm him. Why didn’t he have a blanket? Why wouldn’t he wake up? Why was he so cold? Relatives began to freak out when I began to climb in the casket. It’s a good thing my mom didn’t see it. My paternal grandmother whom we all called Momo pulled me down from the casket and tried to talk to me. My aunt tried to talk to me. I ignored them. My daddy was cold and he needed to get warm so he could wake up. Why weren’t they listening?

Later on, I finally understood. I grew up decades in that moment. It was my first funeral. It was my first real experience with death.

I wouldn’t say it made me a grown up though. I was far from being a grown up.

 

Ten years later my paternal grandfather died one week from graduation. Relatives were gathered at my uncle’s house to discuss things. It seemed that he hadn’t really had much of a life insurance policy. A relative or two were asking my mother to give them her plot beside my daddy, their names were already on their tombstone with intertwined wedding bands that said forever and always. My mom is a do-gooder, a giver, a helper, a caretaker. She also had the the option to buy the two plots on either side of theirs. She offered one of those. For my grandfather to be buried on the other side of my father, but that would have to be paid for, and her’s was already paid for. They weren’t really going for that idea. I stood up for my mother and told them, “Granddaddy would not want all of this. He would not want to take my momma’s spot beside my daddy. And it’s not fair of you to ask her to. Granddaddy would just as soon be buried in a pine box under a big oak tree somewhere than for this. This is wrong. I will not let you do this to my momma.” Someone said, “You’re being rude. You need to apologize. You don’t talk to adults this way.” Hell, I was about 6 weeks away from my 18th birthday and one week away from high school graduation–I was an adult! I didn’t apologize. I didn’t back down. And my grandfather is buried within walking distance to my father, and he’s buried under a tree.

My daddy holding me and my brother just a couple of years before he died.

When I was about 6 weeks away from turning 21 years old I had my son. I knew I was an adult then.

When I was 22 years old I got married. I’m all grown up.

When I was 24 years old I had my daughter. Definitely a grown up.

When I was a little over 26 years old I got divorced. Yep, I’m all grown up.

Raising my children as a single parent taught me so much more about adulthood. Hell, I’m old now.

Then one week before my 45th birthday my grandson was born and I realized how much I still had to learn, how much growing up I still had to do, and how very little I’d known about life and love until he was born. My daughter had to have an emergency c-section. It scared the shit out of me. The thought of losing my daughter, the thought of losing the grandchild I hadn’t even had a chance to hold. Then they were both okay and I got to see my grandson for the first time, and then they finally let me see my daughter. Both were okay. I grew up years in those brief moments.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that having a grandchild doesn’t change you. It does. Profoundly. I am looking at a picture of my daughter and my grandson that sits on my desk as I type. Above me are other pictures: my engagement picture, my wedding to Mr. Rockstar (we were married two months after my grandson was born), a picture of my children and my nephews from about 11 years ago. a picture of me and brother when I was about 4 and he was almost 1, a few pictures of Mr. Rockstar and his daughter who is now 13, a picture of me just before graduation…Milestones in my life are documented on corkboard above my computer as an inspiration board.

My grandson in his new high chair

I’m not fully grown yet. Don’t get me wrong, I am an adult, with all of the adult responsibilities, which we take care of in order of priority, but I don’t think you ever stop growing up. I think we continue to grow each day. I learned at seven years old that life is short. You need to hold on to the things that are important, cherish them, appreciate them, and don’t take anything for granted.

This morning I was up at 3 am because of the storm. I wrote for a

All clean!!

while, I brewed coffee and woke Mr. Rockstar up with a cup of coffee to help motivate him. He didn’t want to get out of the bed this morning, which is not unusual, but I was able to spend a few sweet moments with this morning. Usually I’m sleeping when he leaves. Making those memories with him, with my son and daughter and my grandson, with my parents who aren’t getting any younger, with Mr. Rockstar’s parents who aren’t getting any younger…those are important things. The bills will get paid as we get the money, the house will get clean as I meander through my day….Mr. Rockstar finding a better job will happen eventually, my going to photography school will happen eventually (as soon as we have the money), replacing the central heating and air unit, replacing the flooring in the kitchen and dining room and bathroom and hallway will happen eventually…But for now, I’m enjoying the moments. Responsibilities are always going to be there, but the people in our lives aren’t. I think being a grown up is about more than just being responsible with money or having a job or career, or doing the right thing, or learning how to listen and not trying to have the last word, or figuring out that your bills come first before partying…I believe that growing up also means appreciating what you have when you have it, remembering that the small things in life make life worth living and enjoying,  being true to yourself and being yourself regardless of what is going on in your life or who is or isn’t in your life… I think growing up also has to do with facing your fears. I faced one of the biggest fears of life when I was seven years old. Since then I’ve been facing fears with the knowledge that one day I’ll be the one in that casket. I’m not afraid, but I definitely won’t “go gentle unto that good night.” I’m living life and making the most out of it.

Daily Prompt: All Grown Up. When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

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Day 28 Something I miss

Day 28 – Something that  you miss. I miss my daddy. I miss my grandparents. I miss my uncle Eddie. I miss the people I’ve lost. 

There are days when no matter how long it’s been since my daddy died, April 1975, I find myself really wishing I could just talk to him. I’d like to know what he thinks about life, love, politics, religion, my kids, my grandson…my nephews. I’d like to just sit down and have a conversation with him over coffee. Same with my (paternal) grandfather. I’d like to sit down with him and my grandparents, all of them, and have a conversation over coffee.

You don’t realize all the things you don’t know or would like to know until after that person is gone.

I’ve lost numerous family members, and the one that stands out the most was the first person I lost–my daddy. I was seven years old. I miss him every single day.

I really wish my children could have met him.

 

DP Back to the Future

 

Daily Prompt: Back to the Future

 A service has been invented through which you can send messages to people in the future. To whom would you send something, and what would you write?

I have a husband, a son, a daughter, a step-daughter, and a grandson. I’d want to write a letter to all of them, and to any future grandchildren I might have. Do I have to choose one person? I think I don’t. I think since it’s my post, and my letter I will write each one at least a short letter.

Dear Mr. Rockstar,

(Don’t freak out, I’ve sent this letter from the past.) It’s the year 2013 and there are a few things I’d like the future you to know. I love you. You are the love of my life. You’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been. Before you, I’d almost lost all hope of ever having love, not that I didn’t believe it existed but I didn’t believe it existed for me. And then we met. When we took our vows we took them forever and always, not just until death. I meant that. And you’ll be my love forever and always. But if I’m not around, I don’t want you to wallow in grief. I don’t want you to shut people out and become a hermit. Nor do I want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Spend time with the kids, the grandkid, and your family. Spend time with friends. Play the guitar and sing. Be good to yourself. Be happy. Live your life to the fullest, even if I’m not there to share it with. And remember, the next go round maybe we’ll find each other sooner. But I want you live the best life you can while you have it. You ROCK and I’m so glad that we met and I’ll be here when you get here.

Forever and Always,
Lissa

Dear Doug and Maria,

From the moment of your birth, though it was a close call with Doug, I’ve been so proud and so happy. I want both of you to remember that life is what you make it. As difficult as life can be sometimes, it’s the simple things that matter. I made mistakes as a parent, as a person…But that’s what life is about: living and learning. I’d have spent more quality time with you, I’d have spent less time worrying about other things and more time enjoying each and every moment with you. I’d have taken you on vacations and I’d have gotten on the slide and swings more often. I can’t change that now, but I can tell you a few things that might help you in the future and as parents or just as individuals.

Live life to the fullest. Life is made of moments, and it is the moments that make the difference. Remember to find joy in the small things and to appreciate those simple things. When someone makes you smile, laugh, think…enjoy that moment and appreciate it. Appreciate the people in your life who make you smile, laugh, and think. They are important, you’ll need to keep them around. Don’t take anything for granted. Remember that regardless of what happens in your life you are strong enough to handle it, even if it doesn’t feel like you are. And remember that being brave doesn’t mean being stupid. Stand up for yourself but don’t trample over anyone else.

Being a single parent is the toughest job there is, and no one is perfect, but it’s possible, especially if you have support like family and friends. If you have children, and Maria you already do, remember that no matter what they come first. But in order to be a good parent, especially when you’re doing it alone, it’s important that you’re a happy and healthy person too. You can’t take care of anyone else if you’re not able to take care of yourself. Be good to yourself not just your kids. And remember that they are your kids while they are kids, you’re the parent, later once they are grown you can be their friend. It’s sometimes difficult to not cave in when they have that pouty puppy dog face and crocodile tears streaming down their faces but be consistent, patient, brave, and loving. Temper discipline with love.

Most of all, be happy. Life is too short not to be. Let go of the past, and move on. Don’t hold grudges, they keep that negativity brewing inside of you and it makes it harder to be truly happy. And remember, I love you. I’ve loved you from before you were out here in the world, when you were growing inside me, until the moment I passed on from this life. You are my greatest accomplishments. You’re my pride and joy. And I am proud of both of you. Be the person you want to be. And hopefully, you’ll find a career that you love. You should live life not have life live you. Remember I love you!!!!

Love,

Mom

Dear K___,

When your dad and I met we were both a package deal. You are so sweet, pretty, smart, and kind. You’re a lot like your dad (laid back, patient, sweet, smart…) and he’s so proud of you. Remember that. You are his pride and joy. And I’m so proud to be your step-mom. You can do anything you want, be whatever you want. Do not limit yourself. But most of all be happy. Life is truly too short not to. I wish I’d gotten the chance to get to know you better, to spend more time with you. But I’d like for you to know that I love you. And I’m so glad that you’re a part of my life.

Love,

Lissa

Dear Viktor (MeMe’s little man),

I cannot describe to you the joy that you’ve brought into my life. Your precious face makes me smile no matter what is going on. You are so beautiful, smart, humorous, and adorable. I could not be more proud. One day you’ll want to know things about me, about your mom and dad, about your grandfather, your great grandparents, and know this: people can research their ancestors, they can get the names and the where they came from when they died and when they were born, but what’s important can’t be gotten from research or from names. You come from a family filled with smart, crazy, loving, humorous, attractive, patient and impatient, brave, and kind people. I could tell you stories, and I will write a few more letters telling you about various people and things that happened, but the important things for you to know are simple:

Love, kindness, patience, compassion, affection, respect, honesty, trust, and courage. Those are the things that matter. Love and you will know love in return. Show kindness and it will be given back to you. Be patient and you won’t be disappointed as often or as stressed. Be compassionate towards others and towards yourself because none of us are perfect and we’re all going to need compassion. Show affection and appreciate when others are affectionate to you. Have respect for yourself and demand it of others and give others respect…the world definitely needs for people to be more respectful. Be honest with yourself and others. Without respect and honesty trust is impossible to build. And be courageous–don’t be afraid to try new things, or to meet new people, or to be open-minded.

When you’re not sure about something take the time to think about it. See what your guts tells you. If your guts says no, or isn’t sure then it probably isn’t a good thing. Remember to have patience with your mom. She’s an amazing and wonderful mom, and I’m so proud of her, but she’s human and she’ll need you to be patient with her at times. Tell her you love her. Tell her you’re proud of her. She’ll need to hear it just like you will. Remember that life is what you make it. You can be whatever you want, if you want to be a lawyer then go for it, or if you want to be a computer programmer, or an artist, or a doctor, or a truck driver. You can be whatever you want just make sure it’s something that makes you happy.

I might not be around when you get this letter, but I want you to know how very much I love you and very proud of you I am. You’ll always be my little man and I’ll always love you. Be good to your parents. Parents don’t last forever, we get old…or we die young. I love you, Viktor.

Love,

MeMe

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